For several weeks now, I was working on the manifestation of getting my ex back. (She broke up with me, typical story of our negativity rubbing off on each other solely due to focusing on the negative over the positive. Plus, her parents wouldn’t let her talk to me for those reasons.)
I tried subliminal messages, meditations, affirmations, all sorts of things for a few weeks. Soon though, I started getting new relationships in my life. I became close friends with a girl who I felt a strong emotional connection with, and we talked about feelings a lot. (when I realized that a large thing that created tension in my relationship was the fact that my partner felt emotionally distant.)
So that, combined with a newfound confidence that I could easily get a sexual relationship if I wanted, I realized that I was perfectly capable of having everything my partner ‘gave’ me, even if it wasn’t in the package of a single person, or one particular person. I already ‘had’ everything I ‘wanted’, so naturally I didn’t have any resistance towards the idea of manifesting her. Lo and behold, just a few days after that (Or, a better way to look at it, when those thoughts and feelings of already having everything I want and not needing anything that only one particular person can offer me were at their peak after developing for a few days):
She then came back into my life, and things have been great in our relationship ever since. Now, I could end this here and have this be an inspiring success story for anyone with similar intentions. I wanted to do that a few weeks ago. But that seemed premature. (And maybe my subtle belief that “this is too good to be true!” was the first part of my downfall.)
I still think it’s a valuable lesson. The only reason you desire the things you desire most is probably because they meet multiple needs, if you think about it. A desired relationship is friendship, emotional support, romance, commitment, sex. A desired job too, I think is a combination of having economic freedom, meaning to get you out of bed in the morning, the ability to enter a flow state, and also having enough free time. I believe that if you can get just a little bit of every aspect of what you want to manifest, it’s as if you’re showing the universe what you want in your life, and then it gives you more of it in the most efficient and graceful way.
But putting that lesson aside just for a moment, knowing of course that it will be an important part of what comes next.
Sadly though, the story doesn’t end there. Last night was the first time I really slipped up. I wallowed in negativity for just a bit when I was talking to her. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable with sexual things and rather desperately asked for reassurance that she would still love me and want to be together with me if we couldn’t have a sexual relationship. It wasn’t something I was certain I wanted, but regardless. I was pretty fearful, unsure, and weak.
I said something along the lines of “Sometimes I wonder if you might be happier without me. You wouldn’t have to worry about hiding our relationship from your parents and only being able to talk a little bit. Plus you wouldn’t have to deal with me getting all depressed after I orgasm.”
Of course, she reassured me. It’d be pretty ridiculous if this upset her and she broke up with me again, one little slip up in a few weeks of being incredibly positive and confident. Still, I knew what I was doing was wrong. It didn’t feel right, like my vibes were back in the same place that caused our relationship to end previously. She affirmed me and was very sweet and kind, but she was getting sleepy. So, we hung up the call and I got up to do some things before I went to bed myself.
A few minutes later, I received a call from her again (on facebook messenger) and picked it up to hear her parents yelling about me. This whole time we had been keeping our relationship a secret from them, as they didn’t approve of us talking. Apparently they must’ve taken her phone and read the things we were texting about earlier (sexual things, of the sort that made me feel uncomfortable afterwards, so yeah, not exactly the type of thing you want your girlfriend’s parents reading.) And threatened to show my father them if I ever talked to her again. I heard her crying in the background and just didn’t know what to do. The whole call lasted 30 seconds, mostly of these two abusive parents barking at me before hanging up. And of course, I haven’t heard anything from my girlfriend since.
Now, I just don’t know what to do. The only thing keeping me sane is my belief in the law of attraction. Obviously though, after something so bad happened, my negative, cynical mind is just treating that like denial. This whole thing has been awful, and undoubtedly traumatic for her. I feel like I caused this and I’m worried that it’s irreparable.
Of course, that seems unlikely. Something that gave me faith in the law of attraction originally was recognizing that I had attracted the breakup, and by the same logic I should be able to attract her back as well.
I’m just really confused what to make of this. Is it meant to show me that I shouldn’t be in a relationship with her if I want a relationship with no/little sex, because she has more of a need for that sort of thing?
Is it because just for those few moments, I wanted to not be in a relationship with her because I wasn’t sure how to navigate the complexity of our partnership? I noticed that I felt that way. I was afraid that we were doing more harm than good to each other. And is this a realization of it being true, or is it just because I was aligned with that so I got what I asked for?
Either way, it seems apparent that this wasn’t a coincidence. I attracted this, but I guess I just don’t know what it means or what to do.
And more importantly, could this be the moment where things are ‘darkest before the dawn’, so to speak? From this position where things are the worst they’ve been yet, could it go from here to being better than ever before? Even though our relationship was pretty good, it’d be a lot better if I could actually talk to her freely and visit her IRL. Her parents are the one thing that have yet to budge at all during my intention of having a good relationship with her, even though I included them in some of my visualizations/affirmations, even though now I’m not sure if those were effective, so that would explain why not much has changed.
Is it right to be optimistic and get back in alignment with being in a perfect relationship with her? Or is that just a delusion born out of denial that things are over, and that things are either so bad or final that I can’t fix them?
Obviously I know that the latter probably isn’t the case, but still, some reassurance would be helpful! Also, any other stories or advice would be greatly appreciated!
TL;DR Can you use the law of attraction to truly accomplish anything, despite the odds? Can you sabotage yourself more easily than you can repair the damage you have done? Are some things just not meant to be? Can bad circumstances (abusive households, long distance, legal-but-socially-disapproved-of age gaps, and other life situations) be evidence that you’re not meant to be with someone, no matter how in love with each other you both are?
Most importantly: Does the universe make certain things difficult in order to show you an easier path that is ultimately better for you? Or, is the difficulty more of a test to see if you truly want what you ask for? And is that what’s best for you? Or perhaps whichever one you choose to believe is true?